2016: The Bad, The Good, and The Waiting

2016 was a year of changes. We’ll not THAT much. I’m still at the same admin job, I’m still 5 foot 3, and I still like the color blue (if that matters at all). But, 2016 is also the year I started writing, the year I dyed my hair blonde, and the year I put away my demons and danced again. I also hiked at Yosemite for the first time, went kayaking in San Diego, and I jumped off a big rock in Hawaii. Check, check, check off my bucket list.

Not to mention, it’s the year I graduated and became an adult. And I’m not going to lie, it was scary. I was supposed have spent the last four years preparing for adulthood. But, like a soldier who just got out of bootcamp and was expected to be equipped for the blood and trauma of the war zone, reality hit me with a bang. I spent the better half of 2016 scrolling thru job sites hoping to move up somewhere. I threw myself into the battlefield of applications and interviews, and like the newbie who just had his reality shattered and shifted, I came back from the battlefield with ringing in my ears and the weight of despair hanging off my shoulders.

Am I being overly dramatic? Probably. But, I’m a scared millennial, who’s been told her entire life that if she stuck to the status quo, did the grind, finish school, go to college, get good grades, and have multiple internships and jobs by the time she gets out, then everything will be fine and stable and comfortable. That there would be little to worry about… That I would make it… WHAT TOTAL B.S (excuse the language). And we’ve all heard it from our older friends that post-grad life is depressing and nobody has any direction in their twenties. Still, I was not prepared for this. I braced myself for the reality shock and yet, I couldn’t deal. Maybe, I just really need to accept this fact: I’m a number. Even to my current employer, whether my manager is nice or not, I’m a number. To all the industries out there posting job listings all over the internet, I’m a number. Just a number with the same qualifications as the other millions of numbers out there.

Knowing this, all I want to do is lie there for the rest of 2017, and maybe the rest of my life. Again, I’m being dramatic. I know, I know. And maybe 2016 crumbled down on me because I kept this unrealistic exception to be at a certain place in my life by the end of the year, and I just didn’t meet the standards I had set for myself. And I never thought about what to do if all of my plans, my backup plans, my back up for my backup plans fall apart.

Life Lesson: Sometimes life throws you a storm you can’t avoid. You can’t plan for disasters. Be as prepared as you can, and sometimes it won’t be enough. But it’s okay because the goal isn’t to conquer the storm. It’s to survive it. And that’s all the human race has ever done. Survive. That should be victory enough.

On a better note, 2016 was also the year I changed my perspective on relationships. I used lone-wolf everything. I wanted to handle my own problems, share very little, and I viewed my friends as people who only wanted to pry into my life. I didn’t see them as a support group and I didn’t want to depend on anyone. And of course this was all from some trauma of being hurt by people. But 2016, was the year I wanted to mend some of my broken relationships. The result is another Life Lesson: Some relationship are meant to last and some should be let go (case may vary).

But, even if some friendships don’t out, it doesn’t mean that there is room for new people to come into your life and lift you up. I look at all the people I’ve met in the last year, and all of them have touched my life in some way or another. We may not be close or have known each other very long, but history isn’t always the defining factor for who you consider a CLOSE FRIEND.

I’ve been so hung up on my present problems that I forget that every day brings new opportunities and new people. Change is always happening. Some good. Some bad. But, sometimes I’m not always aware of that.

My last Life Lesson is this: Everything is a waiting game, and sometimes you have to be patience.

 

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